JokeBanana

The CIA Had an Opening for an Assassin

2008-03-25T10:18:44Z

The CIA interviewed three finalists for the job of an assassin. Here's what happened....

]]> The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.” The first man said.“You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife,”

The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair.”

Tattoo Copy Fail!

2008-03-25T10:09:18Z

This is what could happen when you try and copy someone else's tattoo!

Hymns With Subtitles

2008-03-25T10:02:21Z

In Britain there's a famous sunday television programme called Songs of Praise, where people sing hymns. Someone has added their own subtitles so you can see what they're actually singing. It's brilliant!

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Office Racing

2008-03-10T17:51:09Z

I wouldn't recommend trying this anywhere!

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Roofball!

2008-03-06T11:05:33Z

This is what happens when you mix football and break dancing.

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The Skeleton Joke

2008-03-06T11:03:00Z

The old jokes are always the best!

]]> What do you call a stupid skeleton?

A numbskull

What Can You Do With Paper?

2008-03-06T10:49:44Z

This is a picture from a competition where entrants were given just one piece of paper and they had the make the most impressive sculpture with it. Here is one of the best creations.

Clever Advertising

2008-03-05T10:08:32Z

Here is an advert for a job agency in Germany. The image was placed on a vending machine.

The Tomatoes Joke

2008-03-05T10:03:51Z

This is a great tip for anyone suffering from seasickness...

]]> A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worry about getting seasick.

The doctor suggests, ''Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.''

The guy replies, ''Would that keep me from getting sick, Doc?''

The doctor says, ''No, but it'll look real pretty in the water.''

Dustin the Turkey

2008-03-05T09:35:41Z

Every year in Europe there is a very serious competition called The Eurovision Song Contest. Countries in Europe battle it out to win the competition and the winner gets to host the show the next year in their country. According to some conspiracy theorists, Ireland kept winning it and couldn't afford to keep hosting the show. So this year, they've entered this...

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Backflip Goes Wrong

2008-02-27T17:25:42Z

This is not for the squeamish. As you can imagine from the title there is some human pain involved - he's not too badly hurt though - more surprised than anything I think!

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Russian Security Guards Working Hard

2008-02-26T11:06:34Z

I think I might move to Russia - work looks like fun there!

The Frog Joke

2008-02-26T10:56:32Z

A frog visits a bank manager...

]]> A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her
nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a
$30,000 loan to take a holiday." Pattie looks at the frog in disbelief and
asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick
Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Pattie explains that
he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says "Sure.
I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch
tall - bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Pattie explains
that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into
a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit
Jagger
out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants
to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean,
what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says..."It's a knick-knack, Pattie
Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

Terry Fator Does Kermit

2008-02-26T10:54:23Z

Terry Fator does a brilliant Kermit impression while keeping his mouth closed!

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Only in Australia

2008-02-20T17:10:56Z

Sometimes people do stupid things. Sometimes that stupid thing is finding a wild animal, mistaking it for someone's lost pet and taking it home. This is exactly what this dumbass in Australia did. Still, it looks like they put a bit of effort into making the sign.